Wed 5th July

As I am writing this blog watching the 3 am football match between France vs Portugal. Listening to Wu Si Kai music. Old singer when i am in my secondary days, but yet his music is smoothing. Sad... but smoothing.

Watch a movie tonight, The First Daughter, Katie Holmes acting on it. She is the US President daughter and all the "restriction" she had to go through for her parents reputation and career. I couldn't stop but to watch on for I felt for this movie. How I could understand what the script writer is protraying in this movie. Whereever you go, u are being driven. To others, it is such a luxury but to the person who is being driven, u are constantly watched and monitored. You are known where and when u get off and on to a car.

Friends wouldn't really like to be friends with you because they think u are HIGH UP and snobbish but u haven't even done or say anything snobbish. But because of what they see and assume, they think that u are. When you met someone u like, u can't boldly be with that person as you are concern of what your family would take it.

At the end the movie ended with no ending. True, females who are in such a situation, you never know the ending of their lives.

Then later, i watch a TV reality show from the US. "Beauty and the Geek" Wow.... there is these geeks that I couldn't stop thinking, if i were to be with them, is it possible? Geek they sound so, they never been on dates, never kissed before and are still virgins. But yet they have a genuine heart. They are not womaniser. They are sweet and considerate. They definitely are more soft spoken. They would wrap themselves around you. Isn't this good? Isn't this what woman want? But in reality , they are not the first choices woman choose.

I pause for a while. Aren't i one of those woman ??! i wondered how many times "geeks" approached me? How many times I say Sorry, I can't accept you and can only be your friend as my answered to them.

Girls age 16 - 18, they seek boys who are into sports, captians of this captian of that team. They seek boys who dress "cool", have their hair gel, pants altered to the fashion , boot cut or with a flair cut. Some who are quite the average joe, not too geekish but yet good at academic, too are favourites.

Girls age 19-20, things change a little. Geeks are still acceptable here, but geeks guy match with geeks girls. Academic guys goes with academic girls. party guys go with party girls. Slim chance (1%) u get a geek guy with a popular girl. Weird, age around 21, girls are more mature and seek mroe mature guys. Guy who parties and are popular won't go anywhere much unless they really accelarate in the sports industry or in a typical industry they do well (opening a Club or a Pub) is an example of rewards of their partying days.

Girls age 21 (enter the society) - 23 , they seek executives who are in the working force, but yet they seek someone of the opposite. Guys who are into books can have a Clubbin gf, vice versa. People are more versatile and acceptable of differences as they understands the differences is the one that could balance the weight of compatiblity.

Girls age 23 - 25, starting to get more into FUTURE partners but yet still feel they are young. They can still go out and mingle and mix around. Having in their mind, I am under 30! I am still young, sexy and fresh. Sometimes they feel it is time they settle down as it is about the time to settle down to have a family as bearing children is the good age.

Above 25 - 30, lower percentage feels they are still young and higher percentage feels they are old and should have someone who is secure and mature to be with.

All written are just a general statement I perceive, they are woman at 28 29 still partying everynite and having casual partners. But however even so, when u sit down to talk to them, they show their loneliness and they frustration too. WHY ? Simple. They are executives or up to a standard. They need a more mature man to "lead" them. But they are about 33-35 year old man who are married. Or some are after to climb the corporate ladder wishing to get chances with Directors , Managers. Heaps of articles are publish regarding this. Books too. But people are still in this loop hole. Simple again. Because people are only creatures with feelings and desire.

Feelings are something unexplantory. It just comes. Attraction some called it, some called them Lust. Desire is something some put it in the category with Lust, but I define Desire as of materialistic point of view. Is it wrong to be materialistic ? Tell me god damm it who isn't?! As a female age changes, her exposure to people and things changes too. Anyone can be debatable in all terms. A poor girl can be More Materialistic than anyone else but yet a poor girl can be self dependent and seek a simple life with man. As $ can bring happiness but yet it can be more destructive than a tornedo.

There is no right nor wrong in things like that. Comments given to female, u are $ seeker, u are after his $ only, u are a slut, u are a bitch, u are a prositute. To think abt it , ask any girl on the streets, will they marry a man who is poor? Some may say, poor never mind as long as i love him. Yeah right, 6 years down the track, when u are 30 year old with a child or two, would u ?!! would u be so happy wiht it and have no complains or even compare others husband to urs?

I wish not too. I wish to marry him and be a materialistic bitch now than in 10 years time when I have my kid. I do not want to regret. I do not want to at all. I do not want to complain and bitch to others on how lousy my husband is, can't provide this for the family this and that. But to think, it is tough on men too. They have to provide and bear the role of the "MAN" of the house. House loans, Car Loans, Credit card, Children education, Vacations, monthly subsidies to the parents, Household bills, not to mention the Wife.

All crap I have written today. But yet I still want to write it. Continue to speak freely what i feel and think. how often can i do that in real life? I think I am losing my heart already. Losing it till a point whether I am still alive. Am I just in a loop hole that I created and is still thinking there is no way out? So as I speak, i believe there are people out there that are dwelling in loop holes. Why not be like me? Take a break. give urself a day or two to think and feel freely. As my favourite quote "When your heart and mind connects, peace will come to you"

Easy to be said than to be done but have faith, it is up to you to make it happen! Think on the right path, Feel on the right path, Peace will come to your path.

GOod Luck in getting that path that U deserve!